I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
