whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
