For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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