Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need water and some morals
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
