the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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