For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
