bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
