Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
