Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
