My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
