I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
