I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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