I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize