He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
