if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
