Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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