Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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