So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
