ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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