And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
