I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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