I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
