Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
