got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
