i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
