My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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