You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
