We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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