Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
