im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
