I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
