just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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