Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize