i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
