i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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