the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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