If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
