omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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