Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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