im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
