Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
