I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
