i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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