OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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