i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
