heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
