***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
