you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
