Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize