also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
