I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
