I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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