im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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