YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
