if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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