There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
