his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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