I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sext me about skeletons
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
