The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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