is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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