All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
