Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
