My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
