Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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