im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
