So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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