Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
