u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize