I hope mine doesn't look like that
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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