a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
