So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
