Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
