the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
