we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize