it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
