The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
