I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Even my vagina gasped.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
