I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have feelings that need drinking.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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