I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My vagina is officially offended.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize