So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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