What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
that is very illegal...i love you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
