we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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