he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
