you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
