he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
vagina is talking i cant
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
