She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
