My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
