you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
