Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
