Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
