I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
