I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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