i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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