What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
