Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
