im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i think i scared a bird with my dick
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
