On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
