This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
