I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
