I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
