I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
