Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
