I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
