she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
