Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
