paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
