there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
