How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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